What if parental success was measured by the strength of our relationships?

Have you ever wondered what it would look like if we measured our success as parents not by our children's milestones, but by the strength and warmth of our relationship with them?

As a homeschooling parent, I used to worry constantly about my children hitting all the right milestones. I’d spend hours planning lessons, practicing reading, and finding ways to integrate math into our everyday life. But in the process, I noticed something slipping away – our bond. The constant pressure and high expectations were taking a toll on our relationship. My children felt it, and so did I.

One evening, as I sat reflecting on our day, I realized that my focus was misplaced. Our children are an amanah, a trust from Allah, and the outcome of what they will become is ultimately not in our hands. What we can control, however, is how we treat them in every moment. We can choose to nurture their hearts, make them feel safe, and strengthen our relationship with them.

This realization was both liberating and challenging. Homeschooling inherently brings a heightened focus on educational milestones since I am directly responsible for their learning. The societal expectations and ingrained beliefs about success are hard to shake off. There is a constant pressure to ensure that my children are meeting or exceeding traditional benchmarks, which can overshadow the more important aspects of their development.

It reminds me to shift my priorities. Instead of stressing about their progress, I focus more on nurturing our relationship. We started having more heart-to-heart conversations, spending quality time together, and creating memories. We talked about their feelings, their dreams, and their fears. I listened more and judged less. I encouraged them to explore their interests and passions, even if they didn’t align with conventional measures of success.

But let me be honest – this is a journey, and I am still struggling and continually growing. Sometimes, old beliefs still creep in, and I fall back into patterns of stress and high expectations. Yet, I remind myself of the bigger picture and the true measure of success. As Gabor Maté wisely states, "Attachment is the strongest force in the universe. Only through the nurturing of our children’s emotional needs can we truly help them flourish."

Our children are a trust from Allah (set). We are responsible for nurturing their souls, making them feel safe, and guiding them with love and compassion. While milestones and achievements are important, they should not be the measure of our success as parents. The true measure lies in the strength and nourishment of our relationship with our children.

Let’s prioritize their emotional and spiritual well-being over their educational achievements. Let’s treat them with kindness, patience, and understanding. In doing so, we will fulfill our role as parents and guardians, Inshaa Allah, and create a legacy of love and trust that will stay with them throughout their lives.

If we can shift our focus from milestones to growth, from performance to presence, and from achievement to attachment, we can truly succeed as parents. Our children will feel safe, loved, and cherished, and that is the greatest success of all.